How are doing today, dudes and dudettes?
(Yes yes yes. I’ve disappeared off the face of the internet to bring you this totally weird thing. I am sorry for the disappearance. But be thankful for me. I’m like the only blog who isn’t going on hiatus during NaNoWriMo.)
I have a very important announcement to make.
Today we’re airing the first episode of my new talk show, Look Who’s Talking!
We’ve got a set.
We’ve got lights.
We’ve got a camera that actually isn’t my phone.
We’ve even got a studio audience just like Tool Time.
But Penny!!! you wail. Whoever shall you interview?
I’m glad you asked.
I asked my characters from my new WIP Heirs To A Secret if they’d be interested in being interviewed on my talk show. And guess what? They were
mostly all so excited to be on my show!!!
Per request of my character Laurie, I even made a
slapped together in less than two minutes right before I started working on this post excruciatingly detailed and painstakingly created collage of them.
from left to right: Wyatt (Rogue Cinnamon Roll), Matt (Sass Master), Beck (No Nonsense Grumpy Cat), and Laurie (I Don’t Even Know What To Put Here.)
(NOTICE: For all of of peoples who got disproportionately furious at me in this post for using actors as character models, I finally found my proof that it’s okay to do it. Refer to this document below:)
Everyone better? Yes? Good.
WE’RE ON IN 60 SECONDS, PEOPLE.
*powders my face*
*straightens my dress*
*shuffles my question cards*
Gavin, are we ready now?
Exhibit A: Gavin, the talking fox who may or may not be in Heirs To A Secret.
(He’s probably not but I thought I’d mention it.)
Gavin: Yes Ma’am. All we have to do now is untie Matt and let him out of the closet.
(The Southern Belle Staff may or may not have had to kidnap Matt to get him to do this interview. He was not as excited as the others.)
ALL RIGHTY ARE WE READY???
And you, (yes, that means you bloggers and blog readers and talking foxes alike) are my precious smol studio audience.
Yes yes. You can thank me later.
Gavin: We’re on in 3, 2, 1.
BA DA BAAAAAAAAAA.
Announcer: IT’S THE LOOK WHO’S TALKING SHOW WITH YOUR HOST, PENNNNNNNNNNNNYYY WOOOOOOOODDDD!!!!
*studio audience cheers*
Me: HELLO THERE, peoples ‘o the internets! It’s episode 1 of the Look Who’s Talking Show, and I’m your host, Penny Wood.
Gavin: *rips the pillowcase off of Matt’s head*
Matt: WHAT IS GOING ON???
Me: Today we have some very exciting guests for our first show. We have the characters from my new WIP, Heirs To A Secret!!! The characters we have today are –
Laurie: HI THE NAME’S LAURA LANE CREIGHTON AND I LOVE BARBECUE FRITOS.
Me: So there’s Laurie. And we have my MC, Wyatt.
Wyatt: *smiles* Hello, everyone! My name is Wyatt Crei-
Me: Not now, Wyatt. That’s coming later.
Me: We also have Rebecca Creighton, Wyatt’s sister.
Beck: *signs in ASL* My name is Beck, NOT Rebecca.
Wyatt: Wait, why do we have a sign language interpreter here? I could just do it. I know ASL really good.
Me: BECAUSE I WANTED TO, WYATT.
Wyatt: It seems like a waste of money. Especially considering we know the state of your bank account right now –
Me: SHUT UP.
Me: Anywho, and finally, we have Matthew Creighton.
Matt: Wait, so I’m not being kidnapped?
Me: Not technically.
Matt: Oh. It’s you. I should have known you were behind this.
Me: And what is that supposed to mean?
Matt: You’re always plotting misery for me.
Me: That’s not true.
Matt: Then how do explain how I almost got shot?
Matt: Or other time when I almost died?
Matt: Or the OTHER time I nearly got shot?
Me: Stop picking up on every detail, Matt. You’re over thinking it.
Matt: You’re overthinking this whole novel.
Me: *turns back to the crowd* ANYWAYS. Enough of this guy. So, Wyatt, can you tell us anything about the novel you’re in?
Wyatt: Do I have to? It’s so long and confusing.
Me: *eye roll* Fine, fine. Here’s a blurb.
A young patriot.
And the adventure that ties them together.
Matt: Very informative.
Wyatt: So amazing Penny. What a wonderful show of writing.
Me: STOP IT. It was the best I could come up with on such short notice.
Me: So, Beck, how do you feel about your brothers? Love them? Hate them? Or don’t care?
Beck: *signs* They’re total morons, but I love them to death.
Wyatt: *whispers* She’s insulting us on national television.
Me: *presses my Bluetooth* Hang on. We’re getting some live questions from Kayla in North Carolina. She wants to know, Laurie, who is your favorite person in the whole world.
Laurie: Hands down. Don’t even have to think about it. Matt.
Matt: Wait, what?
Me: Really? I didn’t think you would pick him.
Laurie: Yeppers. Matt is awesome. But he does have his issues. He’s stuffy, strict, boring, too tall, has a really weird sense of fashion, and not to mention insulting and mean –
Matt: Okay you didn’t even mean it when you said I was your favorite person. You just said that so you could talk about all my issues. Which, are, NOT EVEN REAL!!!
Laurie: Matt, I don’t tell you how to live your life.
Laurie: So don’t tell me how to live mine.
Me: Moving on. What has been the best day ever for you, Beck?
Beck: *signs* Any day I just get to stay home and eat.
Me: You’re my kind of girl, Beck.
Me: Wyatt, what are you looking forward to doing the most in your book?
Wyatt: The part where I get to drive a car.
Matt: You don’t have your driver’s license.
Matt: *raises his eyebrow*
Me: Matt, Kayla from North Carolina wants to know why you’re always so tired.
Matt: Because I live with Wyatt.
Matt: It’s very tiring. You’d probably be gray haired and have bags under your eyes if you lived with him too.
Wyatt: I’m not that bad.
Matt: *looks at him*
Me: So, how do you guys feel about the current state of affairs in blogging right now. So many hiatuses! What are your feelings?
Matt: Good. Gives us less work to do.
Wyatt: Well, I’m gonna miss them, but NaNoWriMo comes first. Well, really, Thanksgiving comes first. I mean, come on. Turkey, cranberry sauce, macaroni and cheese.
Laurie: What’s a hiatus?
Beck: *signs* I need to go on a hiatus. I’m tired.
Me: Of what?
Beck: *looks straight at me and signs* You.
Me: Me??? Why me? I’m a wonderful author.
Wyatt, Matt, Beck and Laurie: *all gives me a look*
Me: What? I am.
Me: *flips to another card* So, what would you guys think if I shared some snippets of the book with our audience?
Wyatt: That’d be a good idea, except you don’t really have any snippets.
Matt: You haven’t written the book!
Me: I HAVE SO.
Wyatt: Yeah, one chapter.
Me: *stuffs a doughnut in Wyatt’s mouth* Kids today, amirite? Of course I have more than a chapter written.
Beck: *signs* Like, a chapter and a page, right?
Me: IT’S CALLED A WIP BECAUSE IT IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. I’m working on it, folks. I’m working.
Matt: And so it begins……..
Me: Well that’s what writing is all about. A roller coaster of emotions for our hearts and souls.
Wyatt: That was so beautiful.
Matt: Except for NaNoWriMo. That’s basically like torture for writers. Just wrapped up in a “fun” package.
Me: Truer words have never been said.
Beck: *signs* You have never even done NaNoWriMo, Penny. How would you know?
Me: *stands up on the table and throws cards into the air* I ADMIT IT. I HAVE NEVER DONE NANOWRIMO.
Gavin: *little fox gasp*
Laurie (even though she knew): *gasps*
My mom: *gasps*
The studio audience: *GGGGAAAASSSSPPPPP*
Me: *gets back into my chair* I know, I know. Here I am, having been a writer for 4 YEARS and I have never, ever, not in my entire life (not even when I was 7 months old) done NaNoWriMo. Once, last July, I did Camp NaNo. But never the big momma jomma.
Matt: I’m not really surprised, you know.
Me: I wasn’t talking to you.
Laurie: Can I ask you a question, Penny?
Me: *whispers* GAVIN THIS ISN’T IN THE SCRIPT.
Gavin: *whispers* Just go with it.
Me: Um, sure. What would you like to know.
Laurie: Are YOU doing NaNoWriMo?
My neighbor’s dog Chance: …
Me: Urm, no.
Wyatt, Matt, Beck, and Laurie: BUT –
Me: I KNOW I KNOW. This is the perfect time to do NaNoWriMo. But it just won’t work out. I can work on your novel some, but I just plain won’t be able to do 50k.
Wyatt: What about 20k?
Me: MOVING ON. Let’s ask a question and have everyone answer. What does the color orange make you think of?
Wyatt: Fall time.
Matt: Kitten vomit.
Beck: *signs* My favorite shirt.
Laurie. BARBECUE FRITOS.
Me: *shakes head* Another speed question. Any allergies?
Beck: *signs* People.
Laurie: I have a nut sensitivity.
Me: Last one. What is your deepest, darkest secret?
Wyatt: I know Matt’s!
Matt: You have one and a half seconds to shut up.
Beck: *signs* Don’t have a single one.
Laurie: *wipes tears from her eyes* One time I drew a mustache on a guy sleeping on a plane when I was five. THERE I SAID IT. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Wyatt: I also know yours, Penny. It is –
Me: *swivels back to the camera* AAAAAAAAND that’s all we have for today, folks. Hope You enjoyed the first ever pilot of Look Who’s Talking with Penny Wood. I’m Penny, and never forget that a cat walking backwards will never see forwards. Thank you and good night.
Did you guys like that? Should we do episode two? If so, who should we interview from my book next? The grumpiest grump character, Nick Hadley? Or the mysteriously not mysterious Hale? Or maybe Nathan? Or maybe we should do something totally different because these characters make no difference because you don’t really know who these characters are? Talk to me!
All images and GIFs sourced through Pinterest, Art F City, MeTV, Imgur, and Gifer.